From left: Feeling-like-hell-face. Stop it man, Nat. Rocket lauch like that. Wheeeee! The only successful looking jump.

Good Sunday Morning, pretty and good-looking ones. I'll try recall as much as I could and I would do an update. Anyhow, a friend of mine made me realize how much twitter kind of shut you down from updating(blogging). I've got to agree. Updating twitter is fast, quick and on the spot. But I shall not abandon this platform. I guess. Let's start of with my Marketing Examination held on Friday. I had an all-nighter so I wouldn't be late for the paper again. By the time I reached school, I was probably half-dead. & by the end of the paper, I was as good as a dead man. Zahrina and I had to kill time till noon for F1 T-shirt distribution meeting. So we walked around Junction 8 AKA most.boring.shopping.centre.ever. Was looking at heels for Hari Raya and we headed back to school before it rained heavily. After meeting, made plans to go to Mustafa Centre. Cabbed down to Bugis. Shopping. Nana and Shima joined us for break fast @ Haig Road Carpark. Pretty dumb location but we had no where else to sit when it was break fast. Walked around Geylang and headed back home.

My Saturday plans. Was invited to break fast at Zahrina's grandmother house at Marine Parade. But we went shoe shopping earlier, so it was fun! Had Tulang from Beach Road for breakfast. Talking about Tulang, I didn't know I could make someone jealous just by having Tulang. Funny. Anyhow, back on topic. Everyone split after that. Zahrina, her brother and I walked from Marine Parade to Geylang. It wasn't that far actually. Just one straight route down. And hell was it crowded. Bird Nest Drink - Keropok Lekor - Kebab.

Another day spend at Geylang today. I'm going to convince my Mom or Brother or Dad or Sister-in-Law to get me some stuffs. Considering that I never ask much from them lately, I hope I get a green light for most items that's on my list.

I'm starting to feel a little guilty. I've not been helping my Mom with the Hari Raya preparation and plus the fact that I'm working from Tuesday to Friday for F1 T-shirt distribution. But come to think of it, I suffered last year for preparation. Especially when she went Saudi Arabia then. So maybe this is HER year to do most of the stuffs. But still, I'm the daughter. Well, the only child left at home. Maybe I'll just clean my room first. That's a start right?

Oh dear, oh dear. The weather looks bad. I'm really hoping it doesn't rain. Geylang + Rain = Trouble. I guess that's all I can update. Nothing fancy or wow. I think I better get going and find what to wear. Leaving in less than an hour. Goodbye!

&&&& Someone I loikeeeeeeeeeeee (;

Why He’s Hot:

1. Those songs. Love him or not, there’s no denying this boy has had a damn good musical output. First of all, he fronted one of the best bar bands from the alt-country scene, Whiskeytown. In those days he was about as badass as you could get, with his twangy tunes about having a broken heart, or being too drunk to dream. Ah yes, those were the days, but it didn’t end there. His post-Whiskeytown career spans a whopping 10 full length albums is under 10 years. Not to mention the countless (and I mean this literally) unreleased material that only those well versed in their Ryan Adams knowledge seem to know about. The guy is so prolific, he’d probably have a song written in his head about making hot fucking love to you on a pool table while he was still actually making hot fucking love to you.
2. Performance is everything (wink, wink). Just try not to think lustful thoughts while watching this, orthis. If it’s any indication of how mind blowingly amazing he is in the sack, I think every woman he’s come into contact with has been left very pleased. That’s a sure fire knock ‘em out and knock ‘em up performance, I’d say.
3. The man knows how to dress. From the flannel pearl snap buttoned cowboy shirts he wore back in the WT days, to the sexy (and oh so hipster) suit and tie/buttons combo, he’s a fashion icon in his own unique way. Imagine the fun to be had, going on a clothing shopping spree with this fellow on your arm? The fitting room fuck possibilities are endless. Also, he can rock a Batman shirt like no one else I know. And whoever said glitter platform boots were out?
4. He’s funny, too.
5. Apparently, he was a plumber long before fame struck. Is it just me, or can you now totally envision the cheesy porn-like scenarios involved with this specific line of work? With an ass like that, it’s no wonder. Mmmm, you’re welcome.

911

Here's what I've been doing daily:

6AM-2PM: Sleep time
2PM-3PM: Shower/Bathe/Change
3PM-7PM: Laptop 101
7PM-8PM: Help out with Dinner or just eat
8PM-6AM: Laptop 101

Day 3 of self-volunteered-quarantine. Boring. And for God sake, it's the holidays. I should be having fun. But no, I'm being such a swine. Tell me how ridiculous can this get. I'm leading such a pathetic life. Someone date me out. Boy or girl, bisexual, gay or lesbian it doesn't matter.

Sometime you're lucky enough to know that your smile could have brighten someone's day.
So here I am smiling for those who needed a smile from a stranger like me (:

The fact that I'm losing weight massively is scaring me. Minus 1kg, 2kg, 3kg and the list continues. In one year plus, I've lost almost 10kg. I don't know how on earth did that happen. Not as if I'm purposely losing my weight, cause I don't mind being chubby and all as long as I'm happy & healthy. It just so happens that I don't eat rice. And maybe with the addition of problems in life every now and then. I was advised to get professional help due to this problem. But I'm too scared to do it, just in case it'll freak me out a little more. Well, I just have to take each step at a time. I really want to donate blood once again but due to my weight issues, I'm not allowed to. That's very disappointing, I must say. Comparing myself now and back then, I don't know what more to say. I don't understand why some people want to lose weight to look good. I'm just losing weight for no good reason and according to many I'm much better/fit/whatever back then. I don't know what's going on, but this after browsing through the old pictures and comparing them with the recent ones, I think I do need help.

zahrina ·# says:

put it this way k: nats life with love = fit marble. 
without love = distorted marble

I'm not a jealous person. It’s just that whenever any girl gives you a second look, it kills me to think that you might give them a chance to get to know just how amazing you are. I love those warm, loving hugs you give me. Those times you just smile. Smile at me. I know you’re not mine, but I love you all the same. Why? I don’t know. It’s just; I think I found a certain comfort in you that I found nowhere else. A certain laugh that I never had before, and a certain joy in my life that I could never try to explain, not to anyone.

All I want is for you to be happy, but at the same time I want to be happy too, and the only way I’ll be happy is if I’m with you. I know that not everyone can be happy, and as always it’ll be me to be the one who comes off worse. The saddest kind of sad is the sad that tries not to be sad. You know, when Sad tries to bite it’s lip and not cry and smile and go, “No, I’m happy for you”? That’s when it’s really sad. I guess I'll pretend. Unless you know me well enough to notice this pain I'm putting myself into.

I'm the kinda girl who can get in the shower, & finally realize there are no towels. I’m the kinda girl you will have crazy memories with. I’m the kinda girl who will burst into tears from laughing so much, just because I can. I’m the kinda girl who carries her emotions on her back. I’m the kinda girl who will make you remember what we had. Yeah, I’m that girl. Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be, but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in the most profound way. The world may never know the truth about your life, that’s because they don’t care to. But when you find the one who wants to know every detail of it, he/she is the one to keep & the one who keep you alive.

Ten and two, she lies awake. The moon lights up, the moonlight day. Another night she spends alone. Without his touch, her skin so cold. The blood thats running through her veins. With every beat theres no escape. Lost in everything she trust. Still can't seem to get enough. Even though the world she loves, it won't ever be the way it was. And his heart of stone left hers breaking. Every night she cries and dies a little more each time. Say you love me (you love me). Nothing left to die, aay you love me and the silence will set her free. Memories they take her back. Every moment fades to black. Every kiss and every taste, she wishes time would ease the pain.

2nd September 2009,  3:48AM

K, firstly. There might be something wrong with me. I am having problem sleeping and it's making my body go hay-wire. I find myself caught in an emotional instability. Mental breakdown. And physical weakness. And it makes me all depressed and upset. I tried normal ways to escape reality and turn them into dreams by closing my eyes as early as 11PM. Fail. Play online games till my eyes feels tired. Fail. I only doze off at 7 in the morning yesterday and hell, I had a bad morning. Woke up @ 4PM and tried to ignore anyone that's at home. Just in case, I'll create any more problems for myself further. Everything seems to be a burden around me. Not to mention school, of course. I don't know why but people may think I'm happy. I'm just way too good at pretending sometimes. Yes, I laugh. Yes, I smile. And yes, I joke around. But at the end of the day, I don't feel happy. I'm such a mess. I may have many friends around me, yet I feel lonely. I can't turn to anyone at all. Even if I did, they're just going to be there for that moment only. Sometimes the people I turn to for help or advice are the one that will cause another issue for me. Yes, I do think a lot. I can't don't think at all. It's my life I'm ruining. And the possibility is high that I'm going down, down, down. Sometimes I disappoint people who loves me. I'm as good as a zombie. My brain, heart and soul is all dead. I forgot what it is like to be happy. Maybe the reason why I don't do "love" is because I'm scared I'll disappoint the other party. If anyone could change this view for me, it'll be great. But till then, I'll probably need to hire a psychologist. And plan for a holiday.

Scene 1:

Scene 2:

Dan: We were broken up!

Serena: So what, Dan? It hurts! What did you expect? I loved you, and just because we broke up doesn't mean I can just turn it off like that.

Word: Soulmate

Research findings: One of two persons compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, or sensitivity. Someone for whom you have a deep affinity. That they were meant for each other. The Universe want them together. Their love was meant to be. A soul mate is a soul for whom you would give up eternity for. A soulmate is a mate for the soul. Your heart will just recognize your soulmate. Someone who completes you. A soulmate is someone who you can actually see yourself growing old with and being with for the rest of your life. It is someone who makes you happy and brings warmth to your heart and life. It is a cosmic experience that you will never forget and it is really hard to explain cause you get lost for words. It's like looking into their eyes and you get this feeling so intense and strong that you have known this person forever. Your spirit seems to know, this is it, this the person I can be comfortable with, trust, have faith in. Mate for your soul, or the one particular person you were meant to spend the rest of your life with because it is the one you connect with in all aspects of your life so to speak.

My opinion: I believe if two people love each other they will become one. To me that's real love. & that person is your soulmate for now & forever.

“How do you spell ‘Love’?’’ Piglet asked Pooh.
“I don’t have to spell it,” said Pooh. “ I just feel it.”

1. Never be awful to anyone, that person you were awful to may teach you the most.
2. Your past is history. Move on, you'll make someone happy along the way.
3. Always remember. You are a somebody, God didn’t take the time to create a nobody.
4. Always smile, you never know whose day you might be making.
5. Never ‘forget’ to say hi to anyone, never miss the chance to laugh or smile, never get too caught up in yourself that you forget to help others.
6. Never forget that you aren’t the only one with problems, and most of all. Never forget that when you feel like you only have one friend, that friend will remind you of all the others.
7. If you forget about all the bad things in life, the good will take over.
8. If fear is staring you in the face, close your eyes so you don’t have to look at it.
9. Be yourself, you can’t be anyone else. The best you can be is you!

Today was probably the first day I ever rushed to school. I woke up 1 hour before my paper and it felt miserable. I dislike rushing because it makes me panic and to panic before a paper, someone just save me. Thank God I was able to sit for the exam. Since I was just 15 minutes late. Complete the paper in less than half hour and left the class. School library for awhile. And Zahrina left for home. I had no one I could turn to for company since lesson only starts later in the afternoon. So, I walked to Bishan Library and grabbed a book, "The Boy I Loved Before" by Jenny Colgan. The view from the library wasn't that perfect cause all I see is pretty much HDB Houses. But the sunlight was perfect. Bright sky. It was a nice moment to spend time with myself and just a book. I settled for the most comfortable position on the couch and start reading. I love anything that's got to do with Love, Romance. It brings me to somewhere interesting whenever I start reading them. It's as if I'm the character. And I kind of like that feeling.

1:15PM - It was time to say goodbye to my alone time and head back to school. I don't know why but I was so tempted to skipped Sports and just continue with my book. For attendance sake, I drag myself back to the school gate. Nothing much happened. Design class was damn relaxed. Being online and facebook to end my school day with. School helps to kill time especially during fasting month. But the vending machine that sells coke is calling for me every single moment. I can do it. 3 days down.

Sometimes I find myself hoping excessively. I know there's nothing wrong to have a little hope. But I'm scared I get too carried away. Cause if things doesn't turn out the way I hoped, I would probably be upset, depressed. I find myself getting used to being alone. I don't have a sibling I could talk to either. My brother's married and he have his own family and life to handle. I usually turn to him whenever I have problems with my studies or education. Maybe sometime for a shopping treat. I can't bring myself to talk about personal stuff to him. We have fun but sharing problems and life-story, I doubt that's a good idea. I know I can rely on my parents but I wish I had someone/some people outside of home at times. Well, maybe in the past I had. I don't need Prince Charming cause I'm no Princess. I don't need a wealthy man cause I don't need his money. Maybe a heart that cares will do justice to this heart of mine. At times, I feel like I really found that someone. But I can't hope for much either. A goodnight kiss that tells me everything is going to be okay. A hug to make me feel safe in this cruel world. Maybe that's what I need. For now, I'm grateful for everything. Especially to people who did show how much they care for me for the past recent months. I can't give you any names. But I'm sure you know who you are. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Edited @ 11:12PM

K, I feel like shit now. I swear. It's just me and my room. I don't know. I'm just dealing with emotional disorder. I'll be okay. I'll just hug my pillow and cover myself in blanket tonight. And pray for better days :(

A wonderful gift to share, it maybe a way to show each other that we care. A place to feel safe and warm, a comfort for the heart. An expression. A greeting when we say goodbye. It can make us smile. It can be given at any time of the day. We're never too old to feel the joy it brings. And the thing is that, it's free. It costs nothing, yet means so much to the person who receive it. A simple gesture from the heart can make us happy.

Why do I keep running from the truth. All I ever think about is you. You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized. Cause I’m still here waiting for, something else something more. Cause I’m falling for you. And somehow the points align. Somehow the timing’s right. Somehow I’m here falling for you, I’m here falling for you. Cause everything you do is something real something new. Somehow you feel it all and I’m falling for you. Whisper's "Hello, I miss you quite terribly".

Augustos! was good. I'm still upset that I was not able to say my final goodbye to Aunty, Uncle, Eddy, Chris & Tyrone. Spening 2 weeks with them and having outings was fun and I hate myself for not going to the airport. But it's over, they're back @ Holland anyway. Life goes on. People come and go. But you still keep them in your heart and mind. Technology isn't that bad afterall right? Facebook & e-mail. (Keep in touch)

I had a fun week, friends, family and everything. I thank God for a good week and I pray & hope for a better week ahead. Especially when fasting month is like in a few days time. I kind of like the idea of fasting. I definitely love Bazaar Geylang even though it's crowded. I would love to break fast with friends and all. For now, I'm going to manage with school stuffs. I've got Design/Marketing/IEP all due by this month. Someone just take a gun and shoot me (Not). So I'm just hoping for a better week ahead. Good enough to make me smile at least.

These nights are dull, I wish that I could spend them with you. I think about you everyday. There's so much to say I believe. & How this feels to see your face when I close my eyes. Cause you know you will be my light, shooting stars could never be this bright. I won't breathe until you just tell me everything is alright. I am not scared of losing this, I'm afraid of losing you. & here's the truth: I Miss You

Hello, Good Morning. Started off with a smile and hello & I'm a happy girl. I'm so happy I'm hugging my pillows tightly. Shut up, Nat and go to sleeeeeeeeep. I'm sleeping with a smile on my face.

I would have slept till late afternoon if it isn't for some annoying people around my estate doing some drilling and hammering. Hell I was annoyed. What a start for a Saturday right? I manage to doze off only at 4AM but I had a good rest, a little. My body is aching. I think it's cause of Dragon Boat yesterday. It was fun but not as fun as SBSC Camp earlier this year. But I had my fun too. New friends and all. All girls for my boat. Funny. Showered and went down to Bugis to meet Zahrina and her Holland relatives. They're leaving tonight and I can't make it to the Airport. I feel sad, because they're nice people. Read my previous entry. I'm hoping the gig will be good. Cross(x)-fingers and toes. For now, I need to get some stuffs ready and hope I can meet people up and go together for the gig. Classmates? Please reply my text. Love you people. Happy Saturday. Hopefully a happy day for me. Anyway, why does the weather looks like it's going to rain. Noooooooo.

They are not my family. But they are not strangers. Genuinely nice people. Good company. Fun. & everything was so good. Until I realize it's already Saturday. Time to say goodbye. I didn't know I could cry over this. But they are not strangers. Never. Cause people like this are meant to be remembered. Sigh, I really do feel so sad now. Praying for better days. Why does goodbye come too soon. Like everyone says, all good things come to an end. Too soon. I dislike saying goodbye :'(

Zahrina, you know my school bag will always remind me of them and us all. Good times.